Breaking the Silence: The Power of Speaking Up After Abuse

Over the past 7 years, I have found a passion in writing. I started a blog in 2016 writing about four key pillars in life that are important to being the best version of you. I felt confident when discussing motherhood, health and careers but there was an aspect in the relationship piece that I've continued to deal with, yet never wrote about because of fear. Why? Because I was afraid.

Since my blogging is written primarily from personal experience, it's definitely geared more towards women. I've enjoyed the engagement and feedback over the years and have continued to grow increasingly comfortable sharing things that have worked for me as well as life's messy moments. Throughout all this...there was a part of me that felt incredibly alone, searching for advice from others who struggled with an area I never really spoke or wrote about because of fear. Abuse. Something I've personally experienced, on and off over the past 27 years, in various forms yet have remained silent out of fear. Afraid to speak up. Fear of repercussions from the abuser. Fear of not being believed. For a while I thought silence was easier. I thought it would go away and life would go back to "normal" but I was wrong.

“They (abusers) count on our shame to keep their secrets. They know that exposing them means exposing our own failings. That’s what makes them so powerful. They manipulate us into these situations then sit back and watch us squirm between protecting ourselves or blowing the whistle.” Most victims keep their abusers’ secrets. Telling another human being about what happened to you is a powerful healing force that can dispel the shame of being a victim. Remember, the action belongs to the perpetrator and so does the shame. ” Neil Gaiman

When most hear the word "abuse" they think physical violence but physical force is one means of power and control and isn't the only one. There's Physical, Emotional, Verbal, Sexual, Financial, Digital and Stalking. Abuse is “a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another.” One thing to note about that definition is it is a pattern of behavior, in other words, not just one incident.

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month (October) and National Face Your Fears Day (October 10th) I am launching this website. I've been silent for too long and I know I'm not alone. I remember how alone I felt. I'm still a work in progress and not afraid to admit it. I know what is right and want to use my voice in a new way. I want others who can relate to know it's not your fault. I want to provide the resources I didn't know were there at first. I want to provide a "safe" place for women to come and find hope when they may feel there is none. I hope through my story and resources I can help victims of abuse understand their trauma, rebuild self belief and self esteem. For me...there are very few people around me that know "my story" or understand the impact the abuse can have on an individual. For that...my goal is to have a section in my blog geared towards families and friends to help them understand the complexities of abuse, the trauma victims suffer and to provide resources they can utilize to support the victim.

Soooo...here's to brave women! For many survivors, breaking the silence is an important part of the healing process. Know you're not alone. I’m so glad you’re here.

xoxo,

fly girl